The Broken Adult
Many children face all types of abuse every single day. The lasting effects of abuse are becoming clearer as the children of past generations are now adults, “Broken Adults”.
The years upon years of silence does its damage even when from the outside looking in several adults look like they are doing well even thriving in life. The act of pretending is the norm among the children that grew up in “The ERA of SILENCE”. I am one of those children, and most likely YOU the person reading this right now is too. We are all bonded together by this code!
CODE: What happens in the home stays in the home.
You go about your days with a smile on your face – “Game Face”
Tell NOBODY – Everyone is the enemy – It is OUR secret.
If you mutter one single word you will be in serious trouble –
Does this sound disturbingly familiar? I am sure it does!
As we have now grown into adults trying to make our way through life, this inner child rears its head from time to time reminding us that we have unfinished business! There will be something that will trigger a memory or a painful past moment, and there he/she is the inner child having a tantrum, screaming and crying to be let out! What do we do as competent adults? WE squash the child back into silence, because that is how we were taught, our life lessons bestowed upon us tattooed on our damaged soul. We fight tooth and nail to keep it all hidden. Let the child sleep, do not trigger him/her awake to cause havoc in our daily lives!
As we press forward again and again we try to keep that inner child hidden from the world, this hideous little beast that is relentlessly kicking us in the shins. You say “STOP” “GO AWAY”, but the adamant child continues to banter until you cannot take it anymore, and you are forced to take a peek.
What is so bad about meeting this child? The child of the past with this unspoken truth! Why do you want them to continually slumber as you are fumbling through life? Is this child dirty, evil or bad? Is your inner child not worth addressing? Many good questions to ask yourself!
I challenge you to ask yourself right now!
Who is willing to let their inner child out and play?
It is scary to think you must face the past at this time in your life, when you may feel you are beyond it all. If you take a moment and evaluate your life and how you do things on a daily basis, you may find that the damage of the past is more present than you realize.
Our inner child is the part of us that was so damaged we hid him/her away from the world to protect ourselves. In this process of protecting we are actually adding to the damage. When we were silenced so long ago we succumbed to the harsh truth that the words will never roll from our lips. This is NOT fair! Why were we silenced? Why do we continue to hide?
Again, great questions to ask yourself!
I am proposing to you to take this challenge and ask the questions!
Now get out a paper and pen and write down some answers. Review it and see what really stands out to you. Think about why and how it relates to all that you have been through.
Next do the unthinkable. Look at your inner child sitting in the corner of your mind head bowed maybe even weeping. The sad child wanting to be heard. Ask that child what do you need from me? How can I help you? If you really think about it, you may be surprised by the answers you get. A big answer that I am sure many will come to terms with is VALIDATION!
As YOU look into the eyes of the child you will see all that you have so desperately needed for years, that have fallen to the wayside, so you can survive. Now is the time to re-introduce yourself and let the healing begin. You deserve to heal, we all deserve to heal.
This will take some self-work and once you commit to the child you must continue forward. As you slowly release the past thoughts and pains embrace each one and validate the truth and then let it go. Taking it one step at a time, writing, talking and sharing if you feel strong enough to do so. Some people feel that a support group gives comfort knowing that you are surrounded by others who have that same unruly child inside. Others find that therapy one on one is best as they write things down bringing them in to discuss, and some do it quietly on their own until the strength from within brings them into the light. It works differently for everyone and there is not set plan, because we are all individuals. All these ideas work, you just must find the right fit.
The time is NOW to meet your inner child and set them free to dance in the sun. No more hiding in the shadows of sadness. Release your inner-self out, learn who they are, and who you are. The more you learn about you, the more you will understand your behaviors, quirks and triggers. As you “tame the beast”, life will feel lighter, and you will move more freely as you touch the sky.
We must break that “ERA OF SILENCE” once and for all and let your words free you.
I urge you to take on this challenge. Take time to write down my questions and do the work. Examine your inner-child and see what they need to heal.
You are worth it! You deserve better! Remind yourself of this every day as you go through this process, and the work will become easier in time.
When will you start? I say today!
Embrace the Journey.
Author/Public Speaker/Child & Mental Health Advocate/Blogger/Inspirationalist
The Unspoken Truth A Memoir (MY inner child)