The Narcissist - Watching Them Fall from Grace - When they Lose Control
The narcissist - We have all encountered a few throughout our lives. It may have been a family member; someone you have worked with or have had a relationship with.
Each encounter will bring different results because of the type of connection that you have with them. If it is a family member there could be many moments of being “guilt tripped” into doing what they are asking of you to get their way. In a work situation it can be about demeaning others to gain dominance and control, claiming power. In a relationship there seems to be many factors that come together making it extremely difficult to endure because there is no break from the situation.
The narcissist ultimately wants total control of everything as they scheme their way to the top of their own “self-absorbed” mountain. They will leave no stone unturned until they achieve their insidious goals, many of the delusional kind. They are relentless in their quest to gain ultimate control.
The brain of a narcissist never shuts down, as they are in a constant “plotting and planning” mode. There is always a game plan put into action as they claim the safety and sanity of their partner. Once they achieve one goal, they are immediately onto the next game of cat and mouse.
It starts out small and some things may be overlooked or brushed off. What starts out as a “love bombing” experience turns into a total nightmare, as the victim is squashed into silence and contempt. This type of lifestyle is exhausting, leaving a person with an altered state of mind and change in personality. The view becomes clouded as they walk on eggshells just to survive. YES, this is the lifestyle countless people are living when they stay in such a toxic union, BUT what happens when the tables are turned?
The fall from grace - When the partner of a narcissist decides to leave the relationship, the journey is not an easy one. They will not relinquish control easily, actually it is quite the opposite. The victim is in a fight for their life and escaping from the grips of HELL can be even more painful than being in that dysfunctional relationship. It takes so much planning and preparing just to end it, and then even more to maintain the boundaries to protect yourself.
The narcissist will up their game with magnified manipulation and cruel intentions leaving their victim emotionally beaten up and damaged. The plan - keep your victim tired, distraught so they cannot think clearly. The game can go on for months or even years depending on how deeply disturbed the predator is. There can be events that turn violent and destructive to try to maintain control, and sadly to say events can even turn deadly. The twisted mind of a sociopath is like no other. They fully believe their lies and rationalize their behaviors to try and get away with their wrong doings. They will paint a picture of themselves as “The Victim” to gain sympathy and acceptance. It truly is a warped sense of self.
Once they lose control of their partner, it puts them in a state of confusion because their antics and tactics are no longer working. The victim is now gaining a voice and the strength to beat them at their own game. The blinders are now off, and it is game on. The narcissist doesn’t do well in this type of situation because all they know is bullying and total control. They do not fall easily and the path we be quite bumpy before it is finally over, and then is it ever really over because the narcissist still has the same personality and thought process. The victim has to set many support systems in place to help them stand their ground so they can get out from underneath that thumb of negativity. The game is long and drawn out, but the good news is that someone who has found themselves in this horrible position can achieve success. With a lot of self-work and self-care the victim can achieve freedom, but they must remain strong in their virtue to push forward. Again, this could take years.
I want to share a story from my personal experience being involved in an abusive and narcissistic relationship - Trigger Warning -
As a young girl living the life of an abused child and young adult, I was forced into a relationship that I did not welcome. I was thirteen at the time and he was fifteen. Right from the beginning of this ill-fated union I knew I was in for turmoil, but I could never imagine it would go that deep. It started out with verbal/emotional abuse and then graduated to physical abuse and then sexual abuse and torturous behaviors. I was living a life of hell, and needed to find a way out. It took me 2 years to fully get away from him, but not without countless beatings, rape, stalking and an unwanted pregnancy. (I wrote my personal memoir - The Unspoken Truth sharing my life experiences).
The STALKING was terrifying and I found myself hiding many times so I would not be seen. There is one experience that will always stand out in my mind because it was so errie. I would visit my friends and they had a room up in their attic that was made into a great hang out space. We would go up there play music and talk for hours. As a teen I would walk every where and my abuser new my path. I was on my way to hang out with them, when I noticed someone was following me, I turned around and saw him coming down the street on his bike screaming my name. I started running as fast as I could, as my heart was racing and sweat was pouring down my back. I ran through several yards taking him in a different direction finally finding an open shed to seek refuge. I could hear his voice screaming obscenities over and over again, screeching “There is NO WHERE to HIDE”. I was shaking profusely praying he wouldn’t find me. When I finally emerged, I made my way to my friend’s house, and they were not home. I began to panic because in the distance I could hear his evil voice chanting my name. I ran up the back steps, and into my friend’s home in complete distress. As I hit the top of the landing of the second floor, I could hear his voice becoming louder and more sadistic. As I froze in fear my friend’s grandmother came out of her door because she heard him as well. She looked at me with big eyes and a confused glance. All I could muster up to get out of my mouth is that “HE is coming for me to hurt me”… I was crying and shaking, and said to me, “Go to the Attic and I will lock the downstairs door”. I gave her a half smile and ran up the stairs. I went to the window to peek out, and there he was in the middle of the street riding up and down screaming on the top of his lungs “LISA LISA COME OUT AND PLAY”, “I KNOW YOU ARE HERE”. As his voice became louder and more psychotic, the neighbor came out yelling at him and threatened to call the police, and he finally left.
I sat in that attic for a very long time sobbing uncontrollably until my friend walked in the door. Her grandmother told her what happened, and she even called the neighbor to get rid of him. I was so grateful to them for protecting me on that day. IF I close my eyes, I can still see my younger self standing in that attic looking out the window if fear hearing his twisted voice. Some core memories never truly leave us even after much self-work and therapy. A left-over trigger of the past.
I share this story to show the depths an abuser will go to so that they can regain control. I had many other experiences like this one, until he finally moved on to a new target and his reign of terror started all over again because - Once a Narcissist - Always a Narcissist. Do not be fooled by the wolf in sheep’s clothing.
Awareness is key to change.
Lisa Zarcone
Author - Child & Mental Health Advocate - Public Speaker - Social Media Influencer - Blogger
The Core Traits of a Narcissist Man & Woman
A narcissist man is a male who consistently exhibits traits of narcissistic personality disorder, including an inflated sense of self-importance, a constant need for admiration, and a lack of empathy for others.
Characteristics of A Narcissist Man
Other common traits include:
Sense of entitlement: Believing he deserves preferential treatment or privileges.
Manipulative behavior: Using charm, deceit, or coercion to achieve personal goals.
Difficulty accepting criticism: Reacting defensively or with hostility when challenged.
Exaggeration of accomplishments: Publicly boasting or belittling others to maintain superiority.
A narcissist woman is characterized by traits such as a grandiose sense of self-importance, lack of empathy, and manipulative behavior, often leading to toxic relationships.
