October is Domestic Violence Awareness - The Blame Game - Time to Get Out!
OCTOBER IS NATIONAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AWARENESS MONTH
What is domestic violence?
Violent or aggressive behavior within the home, typically involving the violent abuse of a spouse or partner. The abuse can be a man or a woman
Domestic abuse has been going on for centuries. So many men and woman living in a silent hell of misery. The feeling of being trapped, or living in this situation because of “false” responsibility or duty.
How do people get there?
There are a variety of reasons, but here is one that is very common:
When people form new relationships, they do not always see the full picture. As time moves on and the negativity seeps out, one may make excuses for the behaviors. They start thinking about other reasons why the person that they care about so deeply, is behaving in such a manor.
The next step is overcompensating trying to do more and more to please their other half, feeling that “If I do more” he/she will accept me and love me. I can fix it and make it all better.
Unfortunately, these thoughts and ideas bring on the total opposite effect. The more you do, the more they take. Giving the potential abuser that feeling of domination and control. The abuser is fueled by this power becoming so greedy that they will stop at nothing to achieve it.
As time goes on, the mental and emotional game of words breaks you down, and the physical aspect puts the nail in the coffin, so to speak. The abuser wins, total domination, leaving the victim lost, confused and wondering – How did I get here?
Once the victim has been broken down, it takes moving mountains for them to get out of the situation and move forward. There needs to be heavy support, and understanding that will give the victim the strength and confidence to fight for themselves (and their children), to get out once and for all.
The self-esteem factor –
Once broken, self-esteem has fallen to the floor lost in the darkness of the muck. The victim is lost inside the thoughts of their own mind, not seeing that they are worth so much more than what they are living. Broken, tired, weary and for most, no place to go; they stay enduring the pain until it either completely destroys them, causes permanent damage to the body or even death.
This is the raw and realistic picture of domestic abuse.
How do we help those who are struggling?
We offer life lines. As many as humanly possible.
Through advocating, educating and offering hope we can make change happen.
There are many avenues and services out there that the victim can tap into, that can help them get out of a seriously dangerous position. Remember, nothing is perfect and you have to keep on trying to find out what will work for you, because all situations are a bit different.
The first thing a domestic abuse victim needs to hear is that it is not their fault, but they also need to hear that it is time to move forward and we will help you get there. The victim needs to know that they deserve better in their lives.
For many victims who try to go it alone without support, it is extremely hard to move forward. The damage has been done, the mind teeters fighting with itself “should I stay or go”, continuing to make excuses about why they should stay!
Some people in society see this as a copout, but that is a big misconception from people on the outside looking in. After years of being damaged, you cannot just snap out of it. The mindset has been warped into a dark way of thinking, shifted by the words and fists that they have endured for years. It just does not go away.
The person who has been through so much abuse needs a strong support system, counselling and life lines so they know that they are not alone in this battle to overcome the abuse damage.
There are many wonderful services out there that help victims work through the aftermath of that “personal storm” they have lived through, but the first and biggest step is to GET OUT!
As a young woman I went through many forms of abuse – child abuse (mental, physical & emotional) and domestic abuse at the hand of an unwanted partner, who claimed me as his own at the tender age of 13 years old. I endured every form of abuse including sexual abuse mixed with satanic innuendos and torture. I was broken on every level in my young life. I had no where to turn and did not even know where to start. I willed myself to survive and made the conscious choice to fight and change my life once and for all. I told myself “I DESERVED BETTER” & “I AM WORTH IT”.
The power of a strong mindset is what helps to move those monstrous mountains of deceit.
I do understand the mind of an abused victim because I am an adult survivor.
I know how hard it is to fight, willing yourself to change your life, and survive.
IF YOU ARE AN ABUSE VICTIM:
I am emotionally screaming at you to get help, find your way out. Fight or Flight! Find your freedom. Reach out for help wherever you can, and do not stop until you find the right fit for you!!!
If you are reading this and you know of someone who is being abused, share this with them, and offer help any way that you can.
We have the power to help others along and it is time to step up for the voiceless.
Below I have a few resources that people can tap into if they need help.
PLEASE SHARE!!!
Embrace the Journey because we never know what will fall into your life path, so be aware, courageous and ready for action.
YOU have the ability to change absolutely everything in your life.
God Bless
Lisa Zarcone
Author/Child & Mental Health Advocate/Public Speaker/Blogger/Inspirationalist
The Unspoken Truth A Memoir - A child’s story – An adult’s journey towards healing – My story is the reality
Resources:
Domestic abuse hot line: National Domestic Violence Hotline
1-800-799-7233 (SAFE)
Thehotline.org
https://ncadv.org Resources for victims and their families
National Dating Abuse Helpline
1-866-331-9474
National Child Abuse Hotline/Childhelp
1-800-4-A-CHILD (800-422-4453)
National Sexual Assault Hotline
1-800-656-4673 (HOPE)
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
1-800-273-8255 (TALK)
National Suicide Prevention Crisis
Text Line: Text “HOME” to 741-741
National Center for Victims of Crime
1-202-467-8700
NAASCA (National Association of adult survivors of child abuse)
I am the Massachusetts National Ambassador for Naasca - You can reach out to me or any other Ambassador in this program - We offer help & Support
YOU are never alone!
