How Fireflies Nurtured My Soul During A Difficult Time in My Life

FIREFLY

A firefly is a nocturnal, soft-bodied beetle of the family Lampyridae known for producing a, usually, yellow, green or pale right light through bioluminescence to attract mates - They are affectionately known as LIGHTNING BUGS.

When I was a little girl I was highly curious about nature. You could always find me running in the yard exploring everything around me. I would stand there looking up at the tall trees that were so high seemingly touching the sky. As the warm summer breeze hit my face, blowing my long hair back, I felt a sense of exhilaration and dizziness at the same time. I would drop to the ground laying in the grass looking up at the sky.

The imagination of a child is like no other. Laying there I would feel the grass underneath me, this bright green bedding holding me tight like a blanket. Looking up at the Brillant blue sky thinking about what it would feel like to ride on a cloud. I remember one day a praying mantis climbed up on my belly, and I was mesmerized by this unusual creature. Everything about nature filled my soul with such energy!

When it was time to go back inside, I struggled for many reasons. I truly was a “nature girl” and felt the most comfortable in this magnificent playground right in my own back yard.

My home was a very uncomfortable place to be, as there were many difunctional dynamics surrounding our household. The loss of my older brother created a huge empty space in our hearts and home, and mental illness consumed my distraught mother. My father couldn’t bear to be there, so he worked long hard hours, and found other activities that kept him away from us. It was a sad house, that was once filled with laughter.

Walking through those doors always held uncertainty for me, as I never knew what I would be met with. Which version of my mother would I get? She would shift gears and moods so quickly cycling in her own mania. I walked on eggshells every single day, and it was difficult to grow up in such a way.

The RESILIENCE of a Child

Life had taught me many things along the way, and it is interesting how children will naturally find ways to occupy their minds to shut off the pain and abuse. My biggest coping mechanisms always surrounded nature. During those hot summer nights as the sun was setting, I would stay outside as long as possible engrossing myself in my imagination. When it was time to come in I would eagerly wait for it to get dark. Once I was settled in with my pjs on, I would watch tv for a bit, but the real show was happening right outside my window.

I would turn off the tv, the living room lights, and go to the big windows that overlooked our back yard. It was there that true magic was happening right before my eyes. In the stillness of the night, there they were - Lightening Bugs. Hundreds of them would light up our yard in this glorious dance. I was enthralled by their quick movements and bursts of color. I stood there for the longest time just taking it all in. I would imagine living in a big castle on the hill. I was a princess with her pink dress and crown, dancing in a field of fire flies. I would see myself spinning and twirling with delight as I am wrapped in the glow. Night after night - they never dissapointed me until summers end. When the dance was over, I held onto those images that took me all the way through to a new summer season when I would eagerly wait for them to reappear. I could always count on them, during a time in my life when I could not count on anyone.

They held me tight, and walked with me through the storm.

RESILIENCE - HOPE - FAITH

Embrace the Journey,

Lisa

Author - Child & Mental Health Advocate - Public Speaker - Blogger - Social Media Influencer